Sent at 12:48 AM on Friday

Lindsey: my brain dick is HUGE

like it hardly fits

i can’t wear hats

i sufffer from migraines

because my brain dick is constantly throbbing in my skull and pressing against my eyeballs

me: i want to apply with that

Lindsey: you don’t even know how much you want my giant brain cock in your school

your school wants it so bad

Lindsey: your school is a little slut who wants itbad

me: lets get dirty and apply to grad schools

Lindsey: we can sexually harass everyone

Lindsey: Dear Stanford, my name is Lindsey and I am interested in studying psychology because I would like to someday use my in depth knowledge of the human psyche to start a cult based around making me feel good.

me: because someday, i want your slut program to have my big brain dick bump up against your faculty walls

Lindsey: I will cultivate transference with as many people as possible until they all think that I am both their mommy and their daddy and then I will exploit them.

Lindsey: You, admissions councelor, you know you want it.

Lindsey: forget what the deans want

what do you want?

Lindsey: do you want a big juicy, hefty, healthy brain in your institution?

one that’s sensitive to your needs

sensitive to your mission statement

me: a big thick brain tearing through the panties of cold institutional thought?

me: sensitive to the funding challenges faced in our new economy? this big dick is not only big, but comes loaded.

Lindsey: fully loaded

me: ready to pour forth academic, fecund academic product, all over your eager admissions face

Lindsey: What does interdisciplinary mean to me? It means flexibility and confidence in a multiplicity of positions and departments.

Lindsey: It means that I can and will go and do ANYTHING

me: it means bending over backwards for my intellectual passions, and the forwards, to meet the needs of the university as well

Lindsey: yes, forward little by little and then back, back and then forward and then back and forth and back and forth and back and forth

me: i throb with an intellectualism that desires to explore every nook and cranny of my discipline, to taste every academic flavor that your program has to offer

Lindsey: my desire for knowledge and intellectual rigor is equaled in intensity only by my discipline and stamina.

me: I am a person that’s deeply concerned with how deep my big intellect can penetrate your institution

Lindsey: i am in it for the long, long haul. i take the phrase “masters program” very seriously. I will strive to achieve dominance in my field.

me: When i say that I put the pedal to the metal in my academic pursuits, I mean that I will be putting my metal to your petal

Lindsey: I find rigidity of thought to be, yes exciting but I strive to enact a firmness of position while still maintaining the nubility and flexibility necessary to both challenge and please my institution

Lindsey: maybe we should write some from a female perspective

me: the kind of academic experience I seek results from an intensely personal and exciting exploration of the most hidden and secret parts of myself. I hope that your faculty will recognize the unique position in which i now sit, ready, to receive.

Lindsey: i feel exhilarated by a kind of openness that i have never experienced before

me: its almost as if revelations and realizations flood from somewhere previously untouched, a vault of pent up intellectual exhilaration, simply waiting for the seasoned hands of an autumn institution such as yours.

Lindsey: My mind needs stimulation

me: by old man acadamia