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floodsafety

Photos: Thanks to photographer Angela Shoemaker

INVITE!

it is very clear that there is way too much fucking water in holland.

in my land, the government does not require us to learn to swim, but we really like disasters, being in charge of things we know nothing about, and making bad instructional videos. therefore, I will guide a mixed nederlandse and amerikanse group in a flood safety exercise that involves running away from a dike/levee and jumping over irrigation canals/ditches.

nederlandse and amerikanse participants are encouraged to strategize together on ‘best practices’ and naturally, to run and jump over and away from water, also with video cameras and/or audio recorders strapped to you. you will be helping to make a ‘flood safety’ instructional video so that together we can help people – both our countries have already helped all the poor people in third worlds, so we need to help ourselves.

because this is not the third world, there will be bier en snacks, to help yourselves.

belangrijke informatie:

wanneer: Saturday, March 13, 2010, starting at 13:30.

hoe laat: 13:30 t/m (at or before) 16:00. If you need to leave earlier, geen probleem.

waar: along the canal/dike running along the Rotterdamseweg between Rotterdam and Delft, and right outside the kleine village of De Zweth, right here (map).

Routebeschrijving:

Auto: If you want to ride with us, we will meet at 13:00 at the front of Rotterdam CS, by Engels Cafe. The drive is about 15 minutes. EMAIL OR CALL ME if you want in the car with us: morganclevy@gmail.com/+31(0)639892347

Bus: Take bus #40 to stop Halfwege just outside of De Zweth. Walk north (5-7 minutes) along Rotterdamseweg until you see us along the side of the road. The bus arrives and departs twice per hour.

Bike: it’s about a 30 minute bike ride from Rotterdam or from Delft (it’s about halfway in between).

- From Delft, bike south down the west side of TU campus along the Rotterdamseweg, until you see us. If you get to De Zweth, you’ve gone too far, turn around and bike back until you see us.

- From Rotterdam, bike north up the Delftshavenweg-Delftweg-Rotterdamseweg, you should see us a few minutes past De Zweth. If you’re going to go this way and never have before by bike, give me a call because there are a couple twists/turns that might be confusing.

YOU MAY GET WET, so if you care about that – bring some extra clothes, socks, and shoes/boots. Your personal cameras are very welcome.

Questions? hi i am morgan: morganclevy@gmail.com/+31(0)639892347

Lindsey: my brain dick is HUGE

like it hardly fits

i can’t wear hats

i sufffer from migraines

because my brain dick is constantly throbbing in my skull and pressing against my eyeballs

me: i want to apply with that

Lindsey: you don’t even know how much you want my giant brain cock in your school

your school wants it so bad

Lindsey: your school is a little slut who wants itbad

me: lets get dirty and apply to grad schools

Lindsey: we can sexually harass everyone

Lindsey: Dear Stanford, my name is Lindsey and I am interested in studying psychology because I would like to someday use my in depth knowledge of the human psyche to start a cult based around making me feel good.

me: because someday, i want your slut program to have my big brain dick bump up against your faculty walls

Lindsey: I will cultivate transference with as many people as possible until they all think that I am both their mommy and their daddy and then I will exploit them.

Lindsey: You, admissions councelor, you know you want it.

Lindsey: forget what the deans want

what do you want?

Lindsey: do you want a big juicy, hefty, healthy brain in your institution?

one that’s sensitive to your needs

sensitive to your mission statement

me: a big thick brain tearing through the panties of cold institutional thought?

me: sensitive to the funding challenges faced in our new economy? this big dick is not only big, but comes loaded.

Lindsey: fully loaded

me: ready to pour forth academic, fecund academic product, all over your eager admissions face

Lindsey: What does interdisciplinary mean to me? It means flexibility and confidence in a multiplicity of positions and departments.

Lindsey: It means that I can and will go and do ANYTHING

me: it means bending over backwards for my intellectual passions, and the forwards, to meet the needs of the university as well

Lindsey: yes, forward little by little and then back, back and then forward and then back and forth and back and forth and back and forth

me: i throb with an intellectualism that desires to explore every nook and cranny of my discipline, to taste every academic flavor that your program has to offer

Lindsey: my desire for knowledge and intellectual rigor is equaled in intensity only by my discipline and stamina.

me: I am a person that’s deeply concerned with how deep my big intellect can penetrate your institution

Lindsey: i am in it for the long, long haul. i take the phrase “masters program” very seriously. I will strive to achieve dominance in my field.

me: When i say that I put the pedal to the metal in my academic pursuits, I mean that I will be putting my metal to your petal

Lindsey: I find rigidity of thought to be, yes exciting but I strive to enact a firmness of position while still maintaining the nubility and flexibility necessary to both challenge and please my institution

Lindsey: maybe we should write some from a female perspective

me: the kind of academic experience I seek results from an intensely personal and exciting exploration of the most hidden and secret parts of myself. I hope that your faculty will recognize the unique position in which i now sit, ready, to receive.

Lindsey: i feel exhilarated by a kind of openness that i have never experienced before

me: its almost as if revelations and realizations flood from somewhere previously untouched, a vault of pent up intellectual exhilaration, simply waiting for the seasoned hands of an autumn institution such as yours.

Lindsey: My mind needs stimulation

me: by old man acadamia

Information and updates about the project, my travels, and miscellaneous water chatter can be found at: http://nontechnicalpublic.blogspot.com.

In addition to what I hope to accomplish academically, I wish to take the information I gather throughout this year: drawings, photographs, maps, and audio recordings, and ultimately create an accessible and informal installation of what would otherwise be predominantly technical information.

I expect this kind of presentation will better represent my own understanding of the subject matter – I am not a scientist, nor an academic. I’m interested in geography, water, and environmental policy, and I hope to share how these subjects are interesting and related.

Academic papers about otherwise fascinating topics generally bore, alienate, and inspire a disinterested public. I’m kind of more into the ‘interested public’ thing.

Experiment with me, become a fan:

On occasion, an ink cartridge explodes. Mishaps occur frequently in offices, but software or hardware malfunctions will sometimes create an exceptional image. The accident, in the peculiarity of what it creates, happens only once. Within the run of a normal workday, these creations are oddly momentous. They are beautiful.

Once, I turned over a printout to find an opaque and pixilated corruption of a PowerPoint presentation. I felt as though I were being saved, and that I would cry.

The moment was private, transitory and intangible. I witnessed a uniquely botched document, I felt disconnected and passionate and vulnerable, and then I threw the document away and continued working.

I’m certain these ephemeral moments, be they profound, odd or humorous, happen in offices everywhere. I hope to find and collect their source material.

Below are images from my own office experience. I am seeking images from offices everywhere, and I hope to assemble a diverse collection.

If you would like to contribute to the project, please scan your image/document (black & white or color, pdf or jpeg formats preferred) and send to info@morganclevy.com. Please also include:

1. The type of office the image came from (temp agency; law office)
2. The mishap that created the image (copier jam; found in garbage)
3. Date, date range, or year the image was created.

Optional, but welcome: name (if you’d like credit), business name, and any other information that is appropriate and that you wish to provide.

Please share!